Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 52568 times)

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #190 on: November 30, 2018, 10:13:30 AM »
Posted by Cigarbutt in the new TRV topic today:

... For now, I'm not planning to buy but have put it on a list for the fiduciaries in case I die suddenly (I also should prepare in case of senility but count on writser to settle the record straight in due course).

No worries, Cigarbutt. The solution to your concerns is already posted by Mike [Boilermaker] in this topic somewhere: You simply assume yourself out of that particular future situation.

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rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #191 on: November 30, 2018, 10:32:43 AM »
My insurance company has notified all of its customers that if your tent is stolen while camping you are no longer covered.

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #192 on: November 30, 2018, 11:30:16 AM »
But when police find an escaped prisoner camping in a forest, they have a clear case of a criminal in tent.
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
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"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"

Cigarbutt

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #193 on: November 30, 2018, 11:44:06 AM »
My insurance company has notified all of its customers that if your tent is stolen while camping you are no longer covered.
"Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 AM.
Holmes said, look up Watson what can you see?
Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like its about 3 AM
What else Watson?
It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow
What else Watson?
What am I supposed to see Holmes?
Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent"

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #194 on: December 11, 2018, 07:19:31 AM »
CANADIAN:  Let's watch a movie.

AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?

CANADIAN: What's that about?

AMERICAN:  Yes, it was. A huge one that sank.

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #195 on: December 11, 2018, 08:50:02 AM »
A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything"

He gives the guy $10 bucks and gets a massive hot dog back. "What about my change?"

The hot dog guy replies, "Change comes from within"
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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brk.b | cash

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #196 on: December 11, 2018, 03:17:57 PM »
A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything"

He gives the guy $10 bucks and gets a massive hot dog back. "What about my change?"

The hot dog guy replies, "Change comes from within"

http://www.stumbles.org.uk/John/rec/buddha.html
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"

jobyts

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #197 on: December 11, 2018, 06:43:25 PM »
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them
say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives, "
 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell *'Mississippi'."


LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #198 on: December 11, 2018, 09:51:09 PM »
Three construction workers: an italian guy, a chinese guy, and an irish guy are sitting up on one of the beams of the empire state building during its construction, thousands of feet above the street below, having their lunch.

The italian guy opens his lunchbox. "Ah spaghetti and meatballs again! If my wife cooks this one more time, I'm jumping off this damn beam!!"

The chinese guy opens his: "Lo mein again!! Dammit, if my wife cooks me this one more time, I'm jumping off too!"

The irish guy does the same, sure enough: "corned beef again! Dammit if my wife cooks me this again, I'm jumping with you guys!"

The next day, sure enough: spaghetti and meatballs - off goes the italian. Lo mein - off goes the chinese guy. And shortly followed by the irishman and his corned beef sandwich.

A few days later at the funerals, the three wives are grieving together. "Oh my god", says the italian's wife. "I knew I shouldn't have cooked him spaghetti and meatballs again."

"It was all my fault", says the chinese guy's wife, "If only I hadn't cooked him lo mein!"

Finally the irish guy's wife:

"I don't get it... he makes his own lunch!"
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
brk.b | cash

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #199 on: Today at 07:53:20 AM »
Three construction workers: an italian guy, a chinese guy, and an irish guy are sitting up on one of the beams of the empire state building during its construction, thousands of feet above the street below, having their lunch.

The italian guy opens his lunchbox. "Ah spaghetti and meatballs again! If my wife cooks this one more time, I'm jumping off this damn beam!!"

The chinese guy opens his: "Lo mein again!! Dammit, if my wife cooks me this one more time, I'm jumping off too!"

The irish guy does the same, sure enough: "corned beef again! Dammit if my wife cooks me this again, I'm jumping with you guys!"

The next day, sure enough: spaghetti and meatballs - off goes the italian. Lo mein - off goes the chinese guy. And shortly followed by the irishman and his corned beef sandwich.

A few days later at the funerals, the three wives are grieving together. "Oh my god", says the italian's wife. "I knew I shouldn't have cooked him spaghetti and meatballs again."

"It was all my fault", says the chinese guy's wife, "If only I hadn't cooked him lo mein!"

Finally the irish guy's wife:

"I don't get it... he makes his own lunch!"

Male solidarity trumps these pesky details!
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"