Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 49555 times)

doughishere

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #180 on: June 19, 2018, 04:00:12 PM »
I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme.


I bought the Giza pyramids back in 1998 & here's me & my agent getting ready to go to the closing.
He was much better as a sales agent than he is as a property manager.
I still haven't received any rent checks & think I've got squatters.

BTW, nice mullet, huh?


A+ mullet. Or should I say rad mullet, man.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2018, 04:10:55 PM by doughishere »


John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #181 on: June 24, 2018, 07:08:22 AM »
Just a friendly reminder here to all CoBF members investing in banks at the moment: Please remember your auto reply, when we start backsliding into the next turmoil/crisis!
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
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Liberty

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #182 on: July 08, 2018, 04:59:33 AM »
A mathematician wakes up to find his house on fire. He frantically looks around before seeing the fire extinguisher on the far wall of the room. "Aha!" he says, "a solution exists!" and goes back to sleep.
-- Popular math students' joke
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John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #183 on: July 20, 2018, 03:22:44 AM »
Bay Street vs Wall Street according to growth investors, and some other stuff.
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #184 on: July 20, 2018, 09:22:29 AM »
A Russian man finds a bottle with a genie in it. Genie says "I will grant you anything you desire, but whatever I give you your neighbor will get double."

The man thinks for a second then says to the genie "Take out one of my eyes."

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #185 on: August 02, 2018, 08:38:32 PM »
A young woman alone in New York...

Was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #186 on: August 03, 2018, 06:21:40 AM »
A young woman alone in New York...

Was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Now that's funny  ;D
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John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #187 on: August 24, 2018, 05:42:23 AM »
From the Tesla topic:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45292028

Look out Telsa

"The firm behind the famous AK-47 assault rifle presented the eggshell-blue prototype vehicle, the CV-1, at an event near the capital, Moscow."

They need a new manager for their product design team.

Yes, that is one ugly car! You couldn't do worse if you tried to design an ugly car.

Edit: It make the Bolt look sexy!

It's Russian Retro from the '70s! - I suppose Western car collectors would get emotional, and begin crying & buying, if it ever hits production environment, a bit like pet lovers resqueing mistreated pets from a sinister & gruesome future.


https://driving.ca/auto-news/news/motor-mouth-mean-tweets-at-the-expense-of-tesla

Just hilarious

I speculate the reporter David Booth got it wrong here. To me it looks like the result of Garfield chasing the Tesla the way he was taught by Odie.
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai