Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 49493 times)

doughishere

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I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« on: June 18, 2016, 05:15:34 PM »
Ill start.


A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, “Number twelve!” The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, “Number four!” Again, the whole cell bloock breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what’s going on. “Well,” says the older prisoner, “we’ve all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke.”

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, “Number six!” There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, “What’s wrong? Why didn’t I get any laughs?”

“Well,” said the older man, “sometimes it’s not the joke, but how you tell it.”


adesigar

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2016, 11:01:10 PM »
Number seven!

Edward

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2016, 02:15:51 AM »
A little joke about the difference between Israelis (Jews) and Germans.

So an Israeli guy is driving on the Freeway in Germany, and he misses his exit. The solution here is obviously going into reverse, so he backs up and a old german guy bumps into him, gets out of the car screaming in German, then calls the police. The police go talk to the old German guy, and after a few minutes they come to the Israeli guy, signaling he can go.

Wait, said the Israeli guy, what's going on? Forget about it, said the policeman, the old guy has gone completely crazy, he thought you were backing up on the freeway :)

doughishere

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2016, 09:11:10 AM »

doughishere

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2016, 09:14:05 AM »
A little joke about the difference between Israelis (Jews) and Germans.

So an Israeli guy is driving on the Freeway in Germany, and he misses his exit. The solution here is obviously going into reverse, so he backs up and a old german guy bumps into him, gets out of the car screaming in German, then calls the police. The police go talk to the old German guy, and after a few minutes they come to the Israeli guy, signaling he can go.

Wait, said the Israeli guy, what's going on? Forget about it, said the policeman, the old guy has gone completely crazy, he thought you were backing up on the freeway :)

Silly Germans.

Gamecock-YT

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boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2016, 07:05:37 PM »
An engineer, a physicist, and an economist find themselves shipwrecked on a desert island with nothing to eat but a can of beans. How to get at the beans? The engineer proposes breaking the can open on a rock. The physicist suggests heating the can in the sun until it bursts. The economist’s approach: “First, assume we have a can opener…”

boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2016, 07:06:20 PM »
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers ahead.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word
with him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"

George, the greenskeeper, replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2016, 07:07:23 PM »
An engineer dies and he goes to the gates of heaven. St. Peter can’t find his name on the list and tells him he has to go down to Hell. Satan is thrilled to have an engineer enter Hell. The engineer finds Hell to be unbearable, so he starts to make improvements. He adds air-conditioning, cold running water, and many other amenities. Word of these improvements down in Hell gets back to God, so God gives Satan a call. God is not very happy and tells Satan that the rules clearly state no engineers in Hell and Satan needs to send the engineer back up to Heaven right away. Satan refuses, so God tells Satan he is going to sue. Satan responds, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”

doughishere

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2016, 07:47:50 AM »
An engineer, a physicist, and an economist find themselves shipwrecked on a desert island with nothing to eat but a can of beans. How to get at the beans? The engineer proposes breaking the can open on a rock. The physicist suggests heating the can in the sun until it bursts. The economist’s approach: “First, assume we have a can opener…”

+1