Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 67009 times)

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #170 on: June 06, 2018, 02:29:18 PM »
I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme.
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
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DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #171 on: June 07, 2018, 08:14:38 AM »
I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme.



I bought the Giza pyramids back in 1998 & here's me & my agent getting ready to go to the closing.
He was much better as a sales agent than he is as a property manager.
I still haven't received any rent checks & think I've got squatters.

BTW, nice mullet, huh?
Healthcare 35.2% - CVS DVA EW NVO // BRK.B - 21.9% // Media & Communication 14.4% - CHTR DIS

Drinkers & Smokers 13.5% - ABEV MO // Auto's & Oil 12.7% - CLB GPC VDE // Tech 2.0% - AAPL

%'s held @ MV 05/24/2019 minus $$$

i trumpet my ignorance

https://twitter.com/tunawish

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #172 on: June 07, 2018, 08:50:29 AM »
I bought the Giza pyramids back in 1998 & here's me & my agent getting ready to go to the closing.
He was much better as a sales agent than he is as a property manager.
I still haven't received any rent checks & think I've got squatters.

I hate to tell this to you, but I think your renters are dead. Maybe even mummified.
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
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"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"

randomep

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #173 on: June 07, 2018, 09:08:04 AM »
Life is when you get a call from a former colleague, who wants help to get Outlook up running on a gmail account on her private computer - to absolutely no avail, and afterwards, you ask:

Me: "Hey, [obviously] I coulden't help you here ... - but perhaps you can help me?!"

She:  "What's your problem?"

Me: "You know, I operate daily, based on two laptops, with two wireless mice and and one wireless keyboard connected to each laptop. To each laptop I have a Logitech M570 mouse connected - since about two years. Those mice have become harder and harder to use. How do I rinse them?"

She: "-Just pop out the balls from beneath, rinse, and pop the balls back in again!"

Me: "Thanks!" - <While at the same time wondering about the articles from The Economist worrying about world wide fertility decline>.


With everything done with lasers now the younger generations will never know what it is like to need to clean the lint off of mouse balls in order to continue working.

Honestly I don't get it...... :)

BTW I still use one with a ball..... it works better

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #174 on: June 07, 2018, 09:24:11 AM »
A husband, wife, and their nine children are waiting at a bus stop. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "You know if you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick I wouldn't have to listen to that tapping." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the damn bus."

"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #175 on: June 07, 2018, 01:22:01 PM »
The word asparagus is funny.

It sounds like an italian guy asking you to spare a guy named gus.
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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nickenumbers

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #176 on: June 07, 2018, 01:28:58 PM »
I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme.

That is funny!!!  I don't care....Jurgis gets full marks! A+  that was funny!!!!!!!!!

 :) ;) ;D

Pyramid scheme.!!~~  [Finance joke]   Private message me if you want me to explain it.
The fastest Cheetah still waits for the lame baby antelope.  ..patience..

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #177 on: June 08, 2018, 04:14:20 PM »
Posted by Cigarbutt in the topic about Joel's Essay on the Big Four US Banks, posting it here, not to derail Joel's topic about the Essay:

... So are Danes contrarians or simply too conservative?
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/richer-ever-danes-sitting-wealth-100000906.html ...

I'm just trying here to answer your question short, hopefully without derailing the topic from its scope [Joel's essay on the Big Four U.S. banks] too much: Financial illiteracy and stupidity is still doing very well in general here, as it has always done, through every cycle. This time, the long term memory from "last time" somehow seems more intact than before, generating a new kind of stupidity: About DKK 800 B in the Danish banks pulling absolutely nothing, getting eaten up by Danish inflation at about 2 percent. The Danish banks got fixed during the GFC basically US style - I don't have count on the neck shots - they were many.

Add to that a good deal of home bias for those, that invest, I think.

To me, we have a huge problem here with equal treatment of genders in our banks. [May 2018 has been the warmest May month ever recorded here in Denmark - it does not seem to come to an end.] I have noticed that the majority of Danish male bankers use shoes from Lloyd, still in the heat, basically making them thread waters in the heat, inside their shoes. Shoes from Lloyd are fairly good, but bricks compared to some high quality stuff from an Italian shoemaker [i.e. Moreschi], who know how get get it right and comfortable for warm climate. So I end up thinking this guy I'm talking with is an economic idiot too [without knowing the exact reason why, be it mortgage on a too large house, perhaps a too large car [or two], too many kids, or a wife with a shopping gene, or whatever.]

Female bankers, however are here in Denmark allowed a dress code, that includes so called "open shoes" and even sandals.To me, it's an unfair internal competitive advantage during heat & drought. They [the women] get the opportunity to steal with their toes too during bank opening hours. It's simply not fair.

Banking is basically theft at full daylight. It has always been. It's set into a system - now for several centuries - with oversight, regulation and such - now, to the extent, that seems absurd.

I just happen to hate banks. I suppose that's also why I have invested in some of them.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2018, 04:20:09 PM by John Hjorth »
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Cigarbutt

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #178 on: June 09, 2018, 06:11:51 AM »
"Banking is basically theft at full daylight. It has always been. It's set into a system - now for several centuries - with oversight, regulation and such - now, to the extent, that seems absurd.

I just happen to hate banks. I suppose that's also why I have invested in some of them."

Very reasonable.
Hate them or love them, debt is addictive and the House always wins.

-What's the problem with banker jokes?
Bankers don't think they're funny and mainstreet people don't think they're jokes.

Jurgis

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"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
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"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"