The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker

[LongHaul]

The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker

Great book that I would recommend to everyone, especially all women.

10/2020

Basic premise of the book is that we should listen to our very powerful subconscious brain when it picks up and gives us signals of danger and fear.  It is there from evolution and is often correct.  If you deny those danger signals you could be in serious danger.
Women are much more intuitive than men - evolutionary reasons
Charm and niceness are abilities.  Charm is a directed instrument that has motive.
Niceness is a social strategy that doesn’t mean a person is good.  Pedophiles, etc.
Too many details - People who want to deceive you often use a simple technique that has a simple name - too many details. 
Loan sharking (reciprocity) - Predatory criminals use generosity as a tool to put someone in debt.  (Psychopaths can appear nice and help, etc)
The intuitive signal of the highest order that should be listened to is Fear.
No, is a complete sentence. 
If you are suspicious of someone and cannot avoid them you should look them directly in the eye to show no fear.
Ok to hurt people's feelings and not be nice when you are picking up fear signals.  Safety is more important than niceness.

[dcollon]

I really enjoyed this book.

Thanks for the recommendation LongHaul

[nickenumbers]

Thanks for posting this.  I am going to share it with the ladies in my family.  Especially the younger ones.

"NO!!!!  is a complete sentence."  Amen!

[LongHaul]

Glad you guys liked it!   

I have subsequently confirmed with a police officer who read it 20 years ago that much of what Gavin
wrote is likely true and we can all pick up danger signs if we pay attention to our radars.

[Read the Footnotes]

Yes. I would recommend it too. I first read the book when it first came out sixteen years ago, and I believe it has probably subconsciously helped me many times since then.

Funny story, I was either in the process of reading the book or had just finished reading the book when a psychopath came in to my office. Thanks in part to the book I immediately identified him as a dangerous psychopath and I had a language to codify the signs.

He claimed that we had a better waiting space than the office next door which was true, but my assumption was that he was there to case the place and I started documenting the interaction so I could provide information in preparation for a break in or assault or something. I also interacted with him in a way to try to get as much information about him as possible.

I found out he was waiting for a meeting in the next office down the hall and I believed it wasn't a cover story. My goal was to track him to the specific office and note the time of appointment. My plan was that after his meeting was over I would pressure them to provide his identity for our records and provide feedback regarding the quality of their clientele.

I was never able to execute my plan because I watched him get up a leave to go to his appointment, two gentlemen in suits followed him down the hall maybe less than a minute later and then the three passed back by with our psychopath in handcuffs hidden under a coat draped over his hands.

This guy had been a long time client of the neighboring office and this was the sort of office building where this type stuff didn't happen. I'm not sure how the cops found out about the guys appointment, but my neighbor was surprised by what happened and we didn't have to have a discussion about firing him as a client.

The book basically paid for itself with one interaction in the first year.

[Liberty]

Yes. I would recommend it too. I first read the book when it first came out sixteen years ago, and I believe it has probably subconsciously helped me many times since then.

Funny story, I was either in the process of reading the book or had just finished reading the book when a psychopath came in to my office. Thanks in part to the book I immediately identified him as a dangerous psychopath and I had a language to codify the signs.

He claimed that we had a better waiting space than the office next door which was true, but my assumption was that he was there to case the place and I started documenting the interaction so I could provide information in preparation for a break in or assault or something. I also interacted with him in a way to try to get as much information about him as possible.

I found out he was waiting for a meeting in the next office down the hall and I believed it wasn't a cover story. My goal was to track him to the specific office and note the time of appointment. My plan was that after his meeting was over I would pressure them to provide his identity for our records and provide feedback regarding the quality of their clientele.

I was never able to execute my plan because I watched him get up a leave to go to his appointment, two gentlemen in suits followed him down the hall maybe less than a minute later and then the three passed back by with our psychopath in handcuffs hidden under a coat draped over his hands.

This guy had been a long time client of the neighboring office and this was the sort of office building where this type stuff didn't happen. I'm not sure how the cops found out about the guys appointment, but my neighbor was surprised by what happened and we didn't have to have a discussion about firing him as a client.

The book basically paid for itself with one interaction in the first year.

Wow

[SharperDingaan]

Many years ago, a few years after leaving Africa, my sister got mugged in the London Underground by a 'known' thug.  At the time, she was in her mid 20's, doing a two-year internship with one of the UKs leading CPG companies, and dressed in business attire. It was an attempted bag/jewelry theft, plus a shove into the path of an oncoming train. 

As most women were, in a different time and place, my sister had been trained in self defense and marksmanship by experts. Uncles and boyfriends had also taught how to tumble safely out of moving vehicles. London's tube stations are often quite deep, and after the initial shock, it didn't go well.   

The thug was delivered to the ticket booth, near collapse, with both his RH arm and his RH leg dislocated. Attempting to pass out, he had been 're-awoken' a few times on the frog march up the stairs. The thug was taken away on a stretcher, and my sister had to appear in court a few days later.

Let off with a caution, but it took forever afterwards to live it down.
To this day, her boys proudly display mums caution to passing girlfriends.

SD

[BG2008]

Many years ago, a few years after leaving Africa, my sister got mugged in the London Underground by a 'known' thug.  At the time, she was in her mid 20's, doing a two-year internship with one of the UKs leading CPG companies, and dressed in business attire. It was an attempted bag/jewelry theft, plus a shove into the path of an oncoming train. 

As most women were, in a different time and place, my sister had been trained in self defense and marksmanship by experts. Uncles and boyfriends had also taught how to tumble safely out of moving vehicles. London's tube stations are often quite deep, and after the initial shock, it didn't go well.   

The thug was delivered to the ticket booth, near collapse, with both his RH arm and his RH leg dislocated. Attempting to pass out, he had been 're-awoken' a few times on the frog march up the stairs. The thug was taken away on a stretcher, and my sister had to appear in court a few days later.

Let off with a caution, but it took forever afterwards to live it down.
To this day, her boys proudly display mums caution to passing girlfriends.

SD

How did she dislocate his arm and leg? What technique? #Badassmom

[SharperDingaan]

The kind of techniques they teach at Hereford.

SD