Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 77263 times)

boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #260 on: August 26, 2019, 10:39:17 AM »
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there little girl, I'm Mr. Trudeau. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Trudeau Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

"Liberals," answered Suzy with a smile.

Trudeau was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that  Mr. Trudeau should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS,"  when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from CBC, CTV,  and CNN.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up,  then Trudeau got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell  all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're  giving away."

"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're CONSERVATIVES."

Taken by surprise, Mr. Trudeau stammered,  "But... but.... yesterday, you told me they were LIBERALS."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes opened."


Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #261 on: August 26, 2019, 10:48:42 AM »
Time to move this thread to politics section?
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Midas79

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #262 on: August 26, 2019, 12:13:24 PM »
Time to move this thread to politics section?

Maybe. The joke is just as funny (as in, not really funny at all), albeit to the other large segment of the population, when the words "liberals" and "conservatives" are switched and Mr. Trudeau is replaced by Mr. Trump.

There has to be a joke here somewhere about the liberal kittens having only their left eye open and the conservatives only their right, but I can't seem to make it work.

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #263 on: August 26, 2019, 12:26:39 PM »
Time to move this thread to politics section?

Maybe. The joke is just as funny (as in, not really funny at all), albeit to the other large segment of the population, when the words "liberals" and "conservatives" are switched and Mr. Trudeau is replaced by Mr. Trump.

There has to be a joke here somewhere about the liberal kittens having only their left eye open and the conservatives only their right, but I can't seem to make it work.

It does seem to be one of those jokes that you can just plug in your own people or ideologies and it would be found to be funny by people who agree with you.  I could see communists plugging in capitalists for liberal and communist for conservative and sharing it with their comrades.   I could plug in "statist" for liberal and "anarchist" for conservative, share it on facebook and I'd get ton of likes from my anarchist friends.   

Reminds of of Michael Malice (author of "Dear Reader") who says that one thing he learned visiting North Korea is that you can take any ethnic joke and plug in "Japanese" as the target ethnicity and you will be the funniest guy in the room anywhere in the country.  They all hate the Japanese and they have never been exposed to ethnic jokes.   "How do you sink the Japanese navy?  Put it in the water."   
« Last Edit: August 26, 2019, 12:36:33 PM by rkbabang »

boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #264 on: August 26, 2019, 12:44:00 PM »
Time to move this thread to politics section?

Maybe. The joke is just as funny (as in, not really funny at all), albeit to the other large segment of the population, when the words "liberals" and "conservatives" are switched and Mr. Trudeau is replaced by Mr. Trump.

There has to be a joke here somewhere about the liberal kittens having only their left eye open and the conservatives only their right, but I can't seem to make it work.

It does seem to be one of those jokes that you can just plug in your own people or ideologies and it would be found to be funny by people who agree with you.  I could see communists plugging in capitalists for liberal and communist for conservative and sharing it with their comrades.   I could plug in "statist" for liberal and "anarchist" for conservative, share it on facebook and I'd get ton of likes from my anarchist friends.   

Reminds of of Michael Malice (author of "Dear Reader") who says that one thing he learning visiting North Korea is that you can take any ethnic joke and plug in "Japanese" as the target ethnicity and you will be the funniest guy in the country.  They all hate the Japanese and they have never been exposed to ethnic jokes.   "How do you sink the Japanese navy?  Put it in the water."

I have a friend in Canada who sends me jokes all the time. I know there are a lot of Canadians on here, why I posted it. I didn't mean to make a statement, more TIC. I am not a conservative or a liberal. As soon as you start labeling yourself that way self-regulation to prevent cognitive dissonance replaces thinking.


SharperDingaan

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #265 on: August 26, 2019, 12:59:43 PM »
Per the UK's 'Time Team' program; after having dug to a depth of 10 feet in the UK last year....
"British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago."

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet in the US, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York bulletin: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Herald newspaper in Harare, Zimbabwe; reported the following ...
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard, Manius Dube a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Manius has therefore concluded that more than 250 years ago - Africa had already gone wireless!"

Reality is all in the eyes of the believer.

SD

SharperDingaan

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #266 on: August 26, 2019, 01:25:54 PM »
Do not argue with a fool because he will drag you down to his level and then beat you with experience.

Be careful of the man who stays calm and smiles in a crisis for he has already found someone to put the fault on  ;)

SD

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #267 on: August 26, 2019, 01:48:36 PM »
To me, in short, we need to let this angle to jokes [opinion & confrontation] [the way well-intentioned-[no-harm-meant- to-anyone] jokes] here on CoBF - in this topic - go no matter who's the reader, no matter who's the poster.

Take it easy, and stay cool [no matter what : If you arent't taking it  easy or staying cool, stay cool anyway!]]
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DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #268 on: August 26, 2019, 03:02:11 PM »
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.

While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" asked the startled man of the cloth, "are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"

---

A rancher named Clyde had a car accident.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde, "didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite goat, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road... "

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite goat, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'

"Now, what the hell would you say?"

---

and finally,

---

A goat walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender, amazed that this goat can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The goat says, "what do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment, "even though this goat is smart he probably hasn't been in many bars." So the bartender says, "that'll be ten dollars."

The goat forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the goat and tries to strike up a conversation. "You know, we don't get many goats in this bar."

The goat looks up from his beer and says, "well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."

---

If I was still a Catholic, I'd have to go to confession for this post.

There is no god to punish me for telling crappy jokes.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2019, 03:04:17 PM by DooDiligence »
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cubsfan

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #269 on: August 26, 2019, 03:48:25 PM »
Those goat jokes were hilarious