Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 107096 times)

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #420 on: May 10, 2020, 03:46:18 PM »
Kind of investment related and pretty good.
https://twitter.com/justbrosef/status/1259266070759845890?s=21

This is me:

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(4) You are a male (of course). Your business card reads ‘Langdon Jr the third’.  Your grandpa has a building at Princeton named after him but you still went to Stanford. You’re a keen hiker.  You think frozen acai bowls are great.

Apparently.  ::)
"Human civilization? It might be a good idea." - Not Gandhi
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
"Money is an illusion" - Not Karl Marx
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"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"


LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #421 on: May 18, 2020, 06:22:14 AM »
Warren Buffett Abandons Traditional Investing to Become Full-Time Day Trader

https://thestonkmarket.com/warren-buffett-abandons-traditional-investing-to-become-full-time-day-trader/
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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rb

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #422 on: May 18, 2020, 06:58:45 AM »
Warren Buffett Abandons Traditional Investing to Become Full-Time Day Trader

https://thestonkmarket.com/warren-buffett-abandons-traditional-investing-to-become-full-time-day-trader/
LOL!

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Todd. Stupid Todd!

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #423 on: May 18, 2020, 07:13:14 AM »
Warren Buffett Abandons Traditional Investing to Become Full-Time Day Trader

https://thestonkmarket.com/warren-buffett-abandons-traditional-investing-to-become-full-time-day-trader/

His phone rings and his broker is on the phone “I know, I had 48 hours to put the cash in. Just liquidate the Goldman position then.”

---

For the past fifteen years Jared Lewis has been cautiously optimistic on all twenty companies he covers.  “I could be super bullish on this one stock but according to sell side rules I pretty much have to be cautiously optimistic on everything.

https://thestonkmarket.com/sell-side-analyst-im-recklessly-optimistic-for-q2-earnings/

---

A lot of the headlines look promising but lead to dead links, unfortunately.

I love the pop-up.
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Liberty

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #424 on: May 25, 2020, 07:14:06 AM »
Saw this riff on an old one on reddit, thought I'd share:

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He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the satellite dish, and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

(and the first comment: "But he's a cunning old sod, and he sends a project manager down... and it all turns to shit and the engineer begs for release .")
"Most haystacks don't even have a needle." |  I'm on Twitter  | This podcast episode is a must-listen

Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #425 on: May 26, 2020, 12:12:02 PM »
Saw this riff on an old one on reddit, thought I'd share:

Quote
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the satellite dish, and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

(and the first comment: "But he's a cunning old sod, and he sends a project manager down... and it all turns to shit and the engineer begs for release .")

All the project managers were down there already, so really none of the improvements happened, engineer immediately sent SOS to God, got uplifted, and lived happily every after.
"Human civilization? It might be a good idea." - Not Gandhi
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
"Money is an illusion" - Not Karl Marx
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"American History X", "Milk", "The Insider", "Dirty Money", "LBJ"

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #426 on: May 27, 2020, 09:38:14 AM »
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work...


"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
brk.b | goog | irm | lyv | net | nlsn | pm | ssd | t | tfsl | v | wfc | xom

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #427 on: May 27, 2020, 09:52:18 AM »
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work...

GOAT  ;D
AFL // BRK.B // CLB an incredibly stupid move // EW // GPC // MO an incredibly stupid ex-CEO // MTB // NVO // PSX // TRMD // ULTA // VDE // VLGEA // WFC

Investable cash 16% + 18 months of survival $

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #428 on: May 28, 2020, 07:08:37 AM »

meiroy

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