Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 111767 times)

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #440 on: June 18, 2020, 04:16:56 PM »
A man and his dog are playing chess in the park.

A woman walks by and says, "Oh my goodness, your dog can play chess?! That's amazing! What a brilliant dog!"

The man says, "Pffft. He's hardly brilliant. I've won 4 of the last 5 matches."
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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meiroy

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LongHaul

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #442 on: June 20, 2020, 11:15:37 AM »

   1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
      He acquired his size from too much pi.
   2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
      but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
   3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
   4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
      because it was a weapon of math disruption.
   5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
   6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
   7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
   8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
   9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
      The police are looking into it.
  10. Time flies like an arrow.
      Fruit flies like a banana.
  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
      One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  17. A backward poet writes inverse.
  18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
      In feudalism it's your count that votes.
  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
      The stewardess looks at him and says,
      'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
      One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
      Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
      heat it too.
  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
      One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
      The other says 'Are you sure?'
      The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
      His goal: transcend dental medication.
  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
      with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
      No pun in ten did.

Those were great!

Gregmal

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #443 on: June 25, 2020, 04:39:36 PM »
Does this count?

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/


Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2020, 04:42:36 PM by Gregmal »

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #444 on: July 07, 2020, 08:28:51 AM »
Does this count?

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/


Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

cherzeca

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #445 on: July 07, 2020, 08:46:28 AM »
Does this count?

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/


Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

+1

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #446 on: July 07, 2020, 03:14:24 PM »
Does this count?

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/


Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

+1

Gents, you crack me up!

Sperm is a very potent part of your body, which you have to stay in full control of. Dropping it here, there & everywhere can be really expensive.
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #447 on: July 14, 2020, 11:44:24 AM »
Two jokes from the pearly gates:

Quote
One day a man arrives at the pearly gates and meets St Peter. They’re going through the necessary paperwork and documentation so St Peter asks the man, “So, did you have any memorable experiences that stood out on earth?”

The man pauses for a second to think and responds, “Why Yes I did have a quite memorable experience! I was at this bar getting a drink next to a beautiful young lady when this big bunch of bad bikers barged in and started harassing the young lady. After awhile I had to step in so I picked the biggest, baddest looking dude of the group and went up to him, punched him in the gut and yanked out his eyebrow ring. Then I looked at the rest of the gang and said, 'If you don’t leave right now, I’ll kill every last one of you!’”

St Peter then looked up in shock and said, “Oh my goodness! When did all this happen?”

The man looks down at his watch...”Oh, I’d say about 4-5 minutes ago.”

Quote
Two women go to heaven and meet St Peter.

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and racket, soon after that St. Peter came over to her with an ugly man next to him and immediately chained him to the woman and she sadly walked away with the ugly man.

The other woman was shocked and took extra precautions not to step on a duck and after much time had passed St Peter came over to her with a handsome man and chained him to her. The woman excitedly blushed and looked at the man and said, I am not sure what I did to get chained to you, but this is great, and the handsome man looked at her and said, I am not sure , all I did was step on a duck.

"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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Liberty

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #448 on: July 17, 2020, 11:17:26 AM »
What's the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer?

An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he's talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he's talking to you.

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #449 on: July 20, 2020, 01:16:53 AM »
Posted by Mike [boilermaker] here :


This looks very interesting. But the value investor in me is going to wait till the Kindle version goes on sale!

Besides, I have more books in the queue than lifetime left, so I have plenty to read while I wait!

That would be the first time ever I've seen Mike buying puts on something [so far, I've only seen Mike selling them, primarily on Berkshire, I think!]


- Buying books in excess of reading capacity, reading plans and known reading patterns is a special kind of buying puts and - in a way - also hoarding, based on fear of going down on unread books!

It's also the build of a margin of safety & a certain kind of wearing both belt and suspenders! [ ; - D ]
« Last Edit: July 20, 2020, 01:45:46 AM by John Hjorth »
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai