Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 115906 times)

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #450 on: July 20, 2020, 10:35:50 AM »
Here is another one posted today by Wish_ram [ ; - D ]:

If you don't own growth and just focus on hard core value investing ,then making $ is very hard.

Over several years I gradually shifted from value to growth. I understand the absurdity of this as Buffett says they both are joined at the hip. I started making good $ for me and my clients with this approach (outperforming S&P 500 over several years).

Here are some thumb rules:
1) You need some core expertise in at least one area (like software, telecom, cloud , security etc)
2) Value investors don't lack the ability or knowledge, but lack the imagination to invest in growth. They want to see everything upfront (earnings, cash flow etc) before committing up front. The market is too smart for that. Market prices in potential upside.

Let me illustrate with an example:
Imagine Microsoft O/S that is growing well (30 years ago). If you value MSFT purely on O/S you will see that it is very expensive. The TAM may not appear to be that high. But if the company is at nascent stage of bringing ancillary products like word, excel etc then the TAM dramatically goes up over time. It hasn't happened yet, but will happen over time.

The leverage they've on one product will help them expand to others over time. There are many many examples in other companies as well. Market pro-actively prices it in.

In general MOST growth stocks are way undervalued (how else do you explain the subsequent superior returns).

Yes, when growth falters or margins shrink, it'll take a plunge. This was the case of MSFT during 18 years that it under performed.

3) Diversification is the key. This is why concentration will either produce terrible results in general. Value investors take so much pride in taking concentrated portfolio. This is the dumbest approach (you are not Buffett). Buffett should be sent to prison for few months for giving such a bad advice to his countless acolytes and ruining their portfolio.

4) Understanding of macro helps. If you have an approach of raising cash when yield curve inverts and Fed tightens, sell/trim when valuation of growth becomes really insane (like trading at 50-80 times sales) you'll do better.

5) Never get too attached to any growth stocks.

6) In growth investing, EARNINGS ARE FOR LOSERS. Bezos said if any of their subsidiary produces profit, they are not doing a good job.
You need to take an owner view. Say you have an omelette shop. Do you think of producing the max. profit? No ,you work on growth , reinvestment of all capital to grow more. The GAAP losses are sowing the seeds for future growth. the SG&A you incur now is building the foundation for future.
yes, it all depends on if the end state is something that can produce 20% FCF margin. This involves understanding the biz, industry, TAM, competition, and so many factors.

YOu constantly have to filter and refine the criteria for owning. No one understands a company fully (not even the CEO). No One knows the future. It is all calculated risk taking.

Even the greatest investor of all time, Buffett, started showing improved performance when he started paying up for growth.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2020, 10:39:52 AM by John Hjorth »
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai


DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #451 on: July 28, 2020, 12:53:31 PM »
                         PONDERISMS

 1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 2. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

 3. Life is sexually transmitted.

 4. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 7. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire.

 8. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

 9. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #452 on: August 04, 2020, 02:56:42 PM »
    There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase  its sales so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

    Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
    The buyer then guessed 8 and the proprietor said, "No, you were close.
    The number was 7.
    Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time."

    Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.
    The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
    The man guessed 2 this time and the proprietor said, "Nope. It was 3.
    You were close but no free sex this time".
    As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and bet you he don't give away no free sex."
    The buddy replied, "Nuh-uh, it ain't neither - my wife done won twice last week."

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #453 on: August 08, 2020, 03:09:05 AM »
Here is my casual reading stuff for today, to get a more granular understanding of the states in USA, while I'm waiting for the Berkshire 2020H1 10-Q, expected within a couple of hours.

[I think the description of Wyoming is the best. [ : - D]]
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #454 on: August 11, 2020, 10:49:48 AM »
1 . If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent,"the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
   Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

10. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?

11. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

12. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

13. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

14. Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

15. Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

16. How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

17. If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

18. How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

19. Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

20. When two airplanes fly close to each other it’s called a near miss.
     Shouldn’t it be called a near hit?

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #455 on: August 28, 2020, 06:57:03 AM »
A fun email circulating trading desks n 2008Oct, worthwhile as an informal measure of sentiment:

                              CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
                              CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
                 BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
                BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife  gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
          VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
                      P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
                         BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
         STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
              STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
                   STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally  between themselves.
        FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
      MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
                     CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
                            YAHOO -- What you yell after selling your stock to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
                       WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
                             PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
« Last Edit: August 28, 2020, 02:48:31 PM by DynamicPerception »

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #456 on: September 09, 2020, 07:26:58 AM »
Vote for Marc Rebillet

"Make America Stank Again"

https://youtu.be/ZDFs6_oH_b0
AFL // BRK.B // CLB an incredibly stupid move // EW // GPC // MO an incredibly stupid ex-CEO // MTB // NVO // PSX // TRMD // VDE // VLGEA // WFC

Investable cash 22% + 18 months of survival $

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #457 on: September 14, 2020, 04:06:49 PM »
Now that the NFL season has started,

     The day of the Super Bowl Gus comes rushing home, runs
     in the front door, passes his wife and doesn't say
     Hello or anything, jumps into his EZBOY, turns on the
     TV, and then yells at his wife to bring him a cold beer
     before it starts. She is a little perturbed at this but
     figures what the heck, it is the Super Bowl so she gets
     a cold beer from the refrigerator pops the cap and gives
     it to him. A few minutes later he yells out again "bring
     me another cold beer quick before it starts". This really
     irritates her but she contains herself and hands him his
     beer and goes back to the kitchen. No more than 5 minutes
     later he calls out again, "bring me another cold beer
     before it starts". This time she's really pissed off and
     yells back at him, "you inconsiderate bastard, you ran
     right passed me never said hello or anything, etc. etc.".
     Gus yells out, "Ah, there its started!".

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #458 on: September 18, 2020, 06:43:57 AM »
HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last  year!"
And that's how the fight started.
 
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's when the fight started.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first; the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again, I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
And that's when the fight started.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started.

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's when the fight started.

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
And that's how the fight started.

cubsfan

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #459 on: September 18, 2020, 06:50:51 AM »
Those are hilarious!