Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 161052 times)

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #500 on: February 11, 2021, 07:55:56 AM »
Who needs excuses?

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.


A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Tesco store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

A truck driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

https://youtu.be/Ri791tauGmU
BRK.B / CLB / DPZ / EQC / EW / FMS / GPC / MO / NVO / PSX / ROP / VDE / VLGEA / WFC

Investable cash 16.8% + 24 months survival ca$h

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Hammond B3 + Leslie = swirly choruses & drops.
The Boss RC-505 keeps carpal tunnel at bay,
& opens up a whole new world of improv.
The MOXF is a key beast!


rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #501 on: February 11, 2021, 09:49:45 AM »
Sanjeev posted this in the "gambling ..." thread, but I think it belongs here.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/crypto-mogul-bets-meme-investing-220000958.html

John Hjorth

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #502 on: February 11, 2021, 10:14:36 AM »
I would like to add Writser's and Gilmour's [alwaysinvert's] exchange in the Treasure ASA topic some days ago! ["General Norwegian-bashing" & "darn discount won't close"!] [ : - D]. [I hope Per [CoBF member perulv] does not take it too seriously.]

Jeff's [DooDiligence's] new signature isen't all that shappy either! [ : - D ]
”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
-HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #503 on: February 11, 2021, 12:27:38 PM »
I would like to add Writser's and Gilmour's [alwaysinvert's] exchange in the Treasure ASA topic some days ago! ["General Norwegian-bashing" & "darn discount won't close"!] [ : - D]. [I hope Per [CoBF member perulv] does not take it too seriously.]

Jeff's [DooDiligence's] new signature isen't all that shappy either! [ : - D ]

If only I could remove CLB & VDE from my signature.

 :-\
BRK.B / CLB / DPZ / EQC / EW / FMS / GPC / MO / NVO / PSX / ROP / VDE / VLGEA / WFC

Investable cash 16.8% + 24 months survival ca$h

---

Hammond B3 + Leslie = swirly choruses & drops.
The Boss RC-505 keeps carpal tunnel at bay,
& opens up a whole new world of improv.
The MOXF is a key beast!

DynamicPerception

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #504 on: February 12, 2021, 07:22:50 AM »
Why Parents Drink....

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the  employee's' home phone number, and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss  asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the Boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"ME."

boilermaker75

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #505 on: February 21, 2021, 09:46:17 AM »
 A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates:

''Have you done anything of particular merit in your life?'' St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.

“On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.  I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

“So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.  I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the stuffing out of all of you!’ ”

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”

“Couple of minutes ago.”