Author Topic: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.  (Read 77414 times)

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #270 on: August 26, 2019, 04:25:27 PM »
Those goat jokes were hilarious

Thanks.

Here's 2 better ones you might have missed.

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks "What for?"
She replies "I want to kill my husband."
He says "Sorry, I can't give you that."
She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.
He looks at it closely and says, "Well, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity. He was so addicted to the game that he would get withdrawal symptoms if he didn't play. One Yom Kippur the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and play a few rounds. Nobody will be the wiser, and I'll be back in time for services."

Sure enough, at the end of the morning service, the rabbi snuck out of the synagogue and headed straight for the golf course. Looking down upon the scene were Moses and God. Moses said, "Look how terrible -- a Jew out here alone on Yom Kippur. And even worse! A rabbi!"

God replied "Watch. I'm going to teach him a lesson."

The rabbi stepped up to the first tee. When he hit the ball, it careened off a tree, struck a rock, skipped across a pond and landed in the hole for a hole in one!

Seeing all this, Moses protested. "God, is this how you're going to teach him a lesson? He got a hole in one!"

"Sure," said God, "but who's he going to tell?"
Healthcare 25.9% - CVS EW NVO // BRK.B - 23.1% // Auto's & Oil 15.0% - CLB GPC VDE

Entertainment 4.8% - DIS // Banking 9.9% - WFC // Drinkers & Smokers 4.9% - MO

%'s held @ MV 08/29/2019 minus 16.4% investable cash

i trumpet my ignorance

https://twitter.com/tunawish


rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #271 on: September 05, 2019, 08:36:45 AM »
How to use "and" 5 times in a row grammatically:

A man owned a store called "This And That" and he hired another man to make a sign for it.  When it was finished the owner inspected the work only to discover that the spaces were wrong so he called the sign maker and said:

"The spaces between This and And and And and That are different. Please fix it."

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #272 on: September 13, 2019, 06:07:56 AM »
In other news, Canada finally apologizes for Ted Cruz.

https://twitter.com/brittlestar/status/1162332289373810688?s=20
Healthcare 25.9% - CVS EW NVO // BRK.B - 23.1% // Auto's & Oil 15.0% - CLB GPC VDE

Entertainment 4.8% - DIS // Banking 9.9% - WFC // Drinkers & Smokers 4.9% - MO

%'s held @ MV 08/29/2019 minus 16.4% investable cash

i trumpet my ignorance

https://twitter.com/tunawish

rkbabang

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #273 on: September 13, 2019, 06:40:28 AM »
In other news, Canada finally apologizes for Ted Cruz.
https://twitter.com/brittlestar/status/1162332289373810688?s=20

I hear Dildo is really nice this time of year.

DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #274 on: September 13, 2019, 07:50:59 AM »
In other news, Canada finally apologizes for Ted Cruz.
https://twitter.com/brittlestar/status/1162332289373810688?s=20

I hear Dildo is really nice this time of year.

A lot of people pushing to get in there.
Healthcare 25.9% - CVS EW NVO // BRK.B - 23.1% // Auto's & Oil 15.0% - CLB GPC VDE

Entertainment 4.8% - DIS // Banking 9.9% - WFC // Drinkers & Smokers 4.9% - MO

%'s held @ MV 08/29/2019 minus 16.4% investable cash

i trumpet my ignorance

https://twitter.com/tunawish

LC

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #275 on: September 13, 2019, 08:31:05 AM »
In other news, Canada finally apologizes for Ted Cruz.
https://twitter.com/brittlestar/status/1162332289373810688?s=20

I hear Dildo is really nice this time of year.

A lot of people pushing to get in there.
It's a great place to relax, sit down, and watch the world go bi
"Lethargy bordering on sloth remains the cornerstone of our investment style."
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Jurgis

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #276 on: September 19, 2019, 11:05:39 AM »
One CoBF member has this in their signature:

Quote
If it's important, do it every day. If it's not important, don't do it at all.  -Dan Gable

I wonder what Dan Gable thinks about colonoscopy.  ::)
"Before you can be rich, you must be poor." - Nef Anyo
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DooDiligence

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Re: I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.
« Reply #277 on: September 19, 2019, 03:42:23 PM »
One CoBF member has this in their signature:

Quote
If it's important, do it every day. If it's not important, don't do it at all.  -Dan Gable

I wonder what Dan Gable thinks about colonoscopy.  ::)

Probably should read:

If it's important, do it now. If you enjoy it, do it often. If it's not important & you don't enjoy it, don't do it at all.

I'd put colonoscopies in the "unimportant & unenjoyable" column.

I'll probably die of ass cancer.
Healthcare 25.9% - CVS EW NVO // BRK.B - 23.1% // Auto's & Oil 15.0% - CLB GPC VDE

Entertainment 4.8% - DIS // Banking 9.9% - WFC // Drinkers & Smokers 4.9% - MO

%'s held @ MV 08/29/2019 minus 16.4% investable cash

i trumpet my ignorance

https://twitter.com/tunawish

John Hjorth

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”In the race of excellence … there is no finish line.”
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rkbabang

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