Author Topic: Trying to help a friend.  (Read 6433 times)

twacowfca

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2013, 05:19:57 AM »
I think just being there is what has worked in the situations like this I have been involved in.  My wife put together a nice montage of photos and a poem for a couple that lost their son as rememberance.  In another situation where a friend at work lost his daughter 8-yrs old to luekemia, being there for him worked at the time.  He enjoyed his work so working provided a way to think about something else he could do productive (more so after she passed away).  Another tribute was to sponsor and be a part of a team of friends for fundraisers for the pediatric hospital she was treated at.

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Yes.  Being there is the most important thing.


giofranchi

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2013, 06:37:52 AM »
I think just being there is what has worked in the situations like this I have been involved in.  My wife put together a nice montage of photos and a poem for a couple that lost their son as rememberance.  In another situation where a friend at work lost his daughter 8-yrs old to luekemia, being there for him worked at the time.  He enjoyed his work so working provided a way to think about something else he could do productive (more so after she passed away).  Another tribute was to sponsor and be a part of a team of friends for fundraisers for the pediatric hospital she was treated at.

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Yes.  Being there is the most important thing.

I agree.
Though, since 14value asked for some writing that might help his friend in such a time of sorrow and need, I attach a very brief tale by Lev Tolstoj. All his Christian short tales have both the simplicity and the power to let me put life in the right perspective, with all the meaning it truly deserves. I hope they will continue to do so, when my time of need and sorrow finally comes.
God bless you,

Giovanni
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twacowfca

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2013, 07:34:40 AM »
I think just being there is what has worked in the situations like this I have been involved in.  My wife put together a nice montage of photos and a poem for a couple that lost their son as rememberance.  In another situation where a friend at work lost his daughter 8-yrs old to luekemia, being there for him worked at the time.  He enjoyed his work so working provided a way to think about something else he could do productive (more so after she passed away).  Another tribute was to sponsor and be a part of a team of friends for fundraisers for the pediatric hospital she was treated at.

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Yes.  Being there is the most important thing.

I agree.
Though, since 14value asked for some writing that might help his friend in such a time of sorrow and need, I attach a very brief tale by Lev Tolstoj. All his Christian short tales have both the simplicity and the power to let me put life in the right perspective, with all the meaning it truly deserves. I hope they will continue to do so, when my time of need and sorrow finally comes.
God bless you,

Giovanni

Thank you Giovanni.  You have blessed the start of my day by reminding me what is the most important thing.  :)

SmallCap

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2013, 08:47:43 AM »
Here is a thought for the long term.

I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already about dealing with the time around the tragic death of a child. But I would like to throw this into the mix.

The pain doesn't go away in 3 month, 6 months or a year. My suggestion is that being the friend that you are that you be the one to remember the childs birthday and to come back and ask the mother and father how they are doing and just be there for them to talk some more about their child on the day that they will obviously remember but most others will forget. The Birthday and the anniversary of his death are 2 days where they will be reminded and the days that they will want to talk to someone about their child.

Be the friend who for years to come gives them the chance to talk about their child on the days they remember him.
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14value

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2013, 02:32:21 PM »
As I said in my original post, I look to people I admire for answers and that is why I presented my question to the wonderful people on this board.  You guys are first class.

I know there is no silver bullet.  I also realize that this is something that one never gets over, you just get used to it. 

I sincerely appreciate all your thoughts and recommendations. 

All the best.

Valuehunter7

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2013, 06:14:03 PM »
Your post immediately brought this text to mind. Written from the point of view of parents in a strikingly similar situation. Perhaps it is better at helping others empathize? Anyway, for your consideration:

"Johnny Gunther was only seventeen years old when he died of a brain tumor. During the months of his illness, everyone near him was unforgettably impressed by his level-headed courage, his wit and quiet friendliness, and, above all, his unfaltering patience through times of despair. This deeply moving book is a father's memoir of a brave, intelligent, and spirited boy. "

http://www.amazon.com/Death-Be-Not-Proud-P-S/dp/0061230979/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361153550&sr=1-1&keywords=death+be+not+proud+by+john+gunther

meiroy

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Re: Trying to help a friend.
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2013, 03:30:38 AM »


I once read a research stating that most parents who lose a child will never be able to cope with it and in fact it gets worse over time, siblings will do better. 

After some years they might want to read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.  It includes some good mental models and if I'm not mistaken at least one example of a parent who lost his children. It's worth a read anyhow.